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What Does It Mean to Identify Emotions?
Managers have to work with people. As simple and obvious as this sounds, it is not always easy to do well. Failures of interpersonal relationships at work can occur for many different reasons. In Bill’s case, the reason seems to be his struggle in figuring out how people feel.
Bill Just Doesn’t Seem to Get It
Bill, age forty-five, was an outgoing and energetic person. He was considering a career change to consulting, as he had extensive experience in his industry and was well educated. However, Bill’s colleagues reported that Bill wasn’t always effective with them or with clients in general. In the words of one colleague, “Bill isn’t always there. He seems a bit ‘off’ at times. He just doesn’t seem to get it.” Bill didn’t pick up on others’ nonverbal signals. During a conversation, when it was clear to most people that the discussion wasn’t going anywhere, Bill would obliviously continue to expound on his points and end up completely losing the audience. He also didn’t seem able to appreciate his own emotional state of mind. For instance, Bill had a mild temper problem. After an especially difficult week in the office, it appeared that Bill was quite angry. He would fling his briefcase around, speak gruffly to his secretary, and generally stomp around the office. Asked how he was feeling, he replied, “Fine, I’m fine.” One colleague ventured to say to Bill, “It seems like you’re really angry with the way that deal is going,” only to have Bill almost yell at him, “I am not angry! Understand? I am not angry!” And he really meant it! He was oblivious to his own emotions and to those of others. Bill’s ability to identify emotions was modest, at best.
Bob Gets It
Bill lacked basic emotional awareness, but many managers who are aware of emotions can’t accurately identify them. Having emotional awareness and accurate emotional data is the basis for most effective relationships, as the case of Bob illustrates. Bob was a hail-fellow-well-met sort of guy. A second-generation Italian American, Bob had risen from junior bookkeeper to managing partner at one of the biggest public accounting firms in the world. The first impression Bob usually gave people was that he was unsuited for a role as a managing partner. He was big and brash and loud. His speech and mannerisms reflected his blue-collar background rather than the upper-crust polish evident in his fellow partners.
It was surprising that not only had he survived but he had thrived in this staid, conservative environment. However, that surprise was based on externals. As we worked with Bob, we came to discover many qualities that were hidden below the surface—qualities that his colleagues knew about and had appreciated for more than two decades. Bob had a great sense about people, and he could zero in on the mood of the room or, as he said it, “I feel the vibes in the organization.” He was an astute observer of people and, even as he talked to you, you could feel that there was continuous thinking and processing going on in Bob’s head. At times, he surprised people with his insights on how a client felt about a proposal or how a meeting went. On one occasion, when everyone else agreed that the meeting had gone well and the client seemed pleased, Bob differed. He insisted that there was more to it than that and that there were still unresolved issues in the client’s mind. It turned out that Bob was correct. Bob’s ability to identify emotions accurately was strong.
