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Make It Personal
If you want to be able to change the way you feel so you can change the way you think, you’ll need to practice these techniques quite a bit. But you will also need to develop your own method of integrating enough of these techniques into an everyday routine. It would not be advisable to have to engage in some sort of meditative trance just before you begin a sales meeting, for instance. Instead, look for ways to relax quickly, imagine a well-rehearsed scene, and get into character.Perhaps you’re really into music and art. You might select a happy tune and a happy painting to carry around in your head. Think of the artwork, and play the tune in your head to generate a happy mood. You can even write down happy statements (we show you how to do this next), personal memories, or whatever works for you. The best images are those you find meaningful and rich. The list of scenarios described next can help if you are stuck or if you want to explore some other ideas.
You win an award for Manager of the Year.
Your boss surprises you with a well-deserved but generous raise and promotion.
You’ve successfully completed an incredibly challenging assignment to the acclaim of all.
You’re invited to speak in front of an international convention of colleagues, and the speech is greeted with thunderous applause.
You are laughing very hard.
Changing Moods Quickly
One of the most effective strategies for altering your mood is simply to repeat certain sorts of statements. It is a subtle effect, but it has been shown to be effective in changing a mood. If you’re looking for a quick mood picker-upper, all you need to do is to read the statements that follow. Ideally, you would say them out loud. Of course, this can cause problems if you are in a crowded elevator at the time. So if you determine that saying the statements out loud is not for you at that moment, just repeat them silently to yourself.[19]
I am feeling really good today.
I am very happy.
Things are looking up.
This is a great day.
I am feeling good.
I feel really up.
I am bursting with joy.
If you were already bursting with joy but you’re headed into a meeting where you need to terminate several employees, you might want to bring the volume down a notch or two. The self-statements you’ll want to employ in this case should reflect the mood you’re trying to establish.
Snapping Out of It
There are times when we should feel sad. A major disappointment likely leads us to feel sad and down. Such sadness is a sign to ourselves, and to others, that we need to be comforted, that we are in need of support. But there are other times when we must put sadness aside, when it is preventing us from moving forward and taking action. History is full of stories of individuals who have faced enormous hardship and suffering. But history is also replete with stories of those who have not only survived incredible trauma but have emerged with renewed hope, strength, and courage. There are stories of individuals, but also of groups, who have been on the brink of destruction yet have blossomed in a new world. Whether it is the story of African slaves in the United States, survivors of the Holocaust, or residents of cities destroyed by natural disasters, stories of rebirth and hope can provide us with inspiration when we are feeling down. Certainly, we don’t mean to compare our own disappointments and crises with such horrific events as these. But it can be helpful to consider how others, and how we, have handled emotional conflicts. By creating a personal story of hope, we are then able to tap into our story in order to generate hope during times of personal despair. Try this exercise, taking the steps in order:
Remember an emotional conflict in which you were at your emotional best—a situation involving you and another person that was difficult and could have resulted in a very negative outcome but was resolved positively and effectively.
Recall who was involved.
Describe the situation in some detail.
Try to recall the events leading up to the situation.
Try to remember what each person, including yourself, did.
As you continue to reflect, consider what the resolution was, what you learned from the situation, and how you felt at the end of the emotional crisis. Take notes. Include positive, feeling words in your notes. Use your notes to create a short story of your own— one that evokes powerful memories of survival and of hope.
The story that results from the exercise becomes your means of generating a positive mood during tough and difficult times. Ideally, you would tell the story quickly with lots of energy and animation. Even if you just bring this story to mind, with its images and feelings, you will be able to get back on track toward a positive mood that is conducive to growth and development.[20] It is stories like these that inspire us, and others. These are stories-that emotionally intelligent leaders tell.
Summing Up
Every day we think and make decisions and judgments, and each of these thoughts, decisions, and judgments is made with emotion. This is not a choice we make; it’s simply the way we’re wired. By choosing to ignore the emotion component and trying to be coldly rational, we risk making a poor decision. But you can choose to be smart about emotions. What if you could see the world and experience it as someone else does? Is that important? Does such a skill provide you with a unique opportunity to understand the other person? When dealing with a frustrated customer, the last thing you want is to have an angry person on your hands. Feeling what the customer feels establishes a rapport, a shared worldview. If you’re in charge of a product development group that is making slow progress, it would be great to be able to create a sense of urgency. But you have to do so on the group members’ own terms, at their level; to do so requires that you have a shared perspective. Getting in the right mood starts with accurate emotional identifi-cation. Then you need to tap your knowledge of how your feelings and thoughts work together as a team. And finally, you have to deliver that feeling. You’re both the catcher giving the sign for a curveball or a fastball and the pitcher delivering the pitch with all of the finesse and skill you can muster. We next turn to Understanding Emotions, the third step in our model. [19]Based on Velten, E. “A Laboratory Task for Induction of Mood States.” Behaviour Research and Therapy, 1968, 8, 473–482. [20]We thank Charles (Chuck) Wolfe for suggesting this exercise.
