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Reaching a Deeper Level of Understanding
You must use your analytical ability to understand yourself and other people. There are clues everywhere, but you have to know that they exist, know what to look for, and ask a lot of questions. And you must know how to leverage your what-if skills. (We talk more about these skills later in this chapter.) Your emotional knowledge starts with the basic building blocks: understanding the root cause of emotions. Fine-tuning your knowledge must be based on your insight into group, organizational, cultural, and individual norms and values because what makes you happy may make someone else absolutely miserable.Consider this example from our outplacement consulting practice. If you’ve been down the road of job loss yourself, you know that after the loss of a job, you’re expected to be shocked at first, then sad, then angry. Former colleagues may tiptoe around the topic when they’re with you, if they’re with you at all. They speak to you as though someone’s died. However, the experience of losing a job can be turned into a moment of emotional insight. Consider this story:
When I received a pink slip some years ago I was surprised. I knew something was up, but I didn’t think it was me who’d get the axe. During the brief meeting with my boss when he told me that my position was being eliminated, I needed to exert all of the emotional control that I could muster. I didn’t want him to see how I felt, which was quite happy. Happy to be fired? Not exactly. I had been feeling burnt-out and unfulfilled in the job for almost a year and had made plans to leave marketing and reenter the business world as a psychologist. I was taking two counseling refresher courses, started to counsel on the side, and had begun to develop marketing materials. Being fired gave me the push I needed to take the plunge.
Consider another example, only this time an example regarding-anger. One key to understanding anger at a deeper level is to realize that causes of anger vary a lot from person to person. Not everyone perceives unfairness or injustice, for example, in the same actions.
A group of Harry’s coworkers were very upset and angry when they heard the news that a newcomer to the group, Danielle, was promoted rather than Harry. They said, “Harry knows the place better than anybody,” “This new person doesn’t know anything,” and “It’s just a diversity thing—she’s a woman, and a minority, that’s why she got the big job.” The group assembled in Harry’s office to complain and commiserate, and were surprised when Harry said, “Guys, calm down. I’m not upset. This was the right person for the job. The boss and I had a long talk about it last week. Danielle has a great background.”
The key is that you must get outside your own head and personal experience—to discern what another’s experience might be—in order to be an emotionally intelligent manager.
