We’re now at step four of our model: managing emotions—that is, having the ability to incorporate one’s feelings and the feelings of others into thinking. This is a fundamentally important part of emotional intelligence. In fact, it is likely what came to your mind when you heard about the idea of emotional intelligence the first time.
What are the attributes of someone who can manage emotions— their own and those of others? Manager A in Exhibit 6.1 is skillful at managing emotions, whereas Manager B lacks the ability.
|
Column A: Skillful |
Column B: Not Skillful |
|---|---|
|
Emotions focus attention, inform decision making, and energize adaptive behavior |
Emotions are distracting and derail adaptive behavior |
|
Can “psych up,” calm down, or maintain a mood, as desirable |
Is a slave to passions |
|
Can cheer others up, calm others down, or manage others’ feelings appropriately |
Has no intentional impact on others’ feelings; has unintentional impact on others’ feelings |
|
Is open to one’s feelings and the feelings of others |
Shuts off feelings |
|
Leads a rich emotional life |
Leads an emotionally impoverished life |
|
Inspires other people |
Cannot connect with other people |
Consider two people we know who reflect the profiles of Managers A and B. Avery, an engineering project manager, is best described by the Manager B list, whereas Cory, a product manager, is more like Manager A.