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Mut'a is often referred to as a pleasure marriage and is compared to
prostitution. The man pays the woman a dowry and they enjoy each other and then
move on. But, in truth, Mut'a probably more often occurs without any sex
than it does solely for the purpose of sexual gratification. Mut'a,
unlike permanent marriage, may have conditions put on it, including the most
common one, which is that no sex shall take place. Thus, its purpose is
companionship and getting to know the other person and not just sexual
pleasure. Mut'a is different than prostitution in that it is a union
before God, and any children resulting will be legitimate. It is in all senses
of the word a marriage. Just as in permanent marriage, the woman has a waiting
period after the end of the marriage before she can take another spouse. The
waiting period serves many purposes including making sure of any paternity,
avoiding running into another relationship too soon, and giving the couple time
to reconcile. A woman is unlikely to be able to make a living from Mut'a,
because she could legally have less than half a dozen partners in a year. In
this way, it is clearly unlike prostitution. Payment of a dowry does take place
in Mut'a, but it is unlike prostitution because the payment is not for
sex, but rather it is identical in purpose to the dowry given in permanent
marriage. It is further unlike prostitution because a man is not supposed to
marry one with loose morals and, according to Ayatollah Sistani, is forbidden
to marry any non-Muslim woman in temporary marriage if he is already married to
a Muslim woman. In Sayyid Muhammad Rizvi's book Marriage and Morals in Islam,
the temporary and need-only aspects of Mut'a are strongly emphasized:"I cannot overemphasize the temporary nature of Mut'a. The
message of Islam is quite clear: marry on a permanent basis; if that is not
possible, then adopt temporary abstinence; if that is not possible, only then
use the Mut'a marriage. The temporary nature of Mut'a can also be seen from the
following saying of the Imams: Once 'Ali bin Yaqtin, a prominent Shi'ah who
held a high post in Abbasid government, came to Imam 'Ali ar-Riza to ask about Mut'a.
The Imam said, "What have you to do with it because Allah has made you free
from its need." (Wasa'il, vol. 14, p. 449) He has also said, "It is
permitted and absolutely allowed for the one whom Allah has not provided with
the means of permanent marriage so that he may be chaste by performing Mut'a.
(Wasa'il, vol. 14, p. 449-450)"Personally, I have known a handful of women involved in temporary
marriage, all of whom were converts. The rumors of blatant misuse of the
marriage are not to be found with those I have known, but there were problems.
I think, in each case these marriages were too long. What I mean is that
temporary marriage is supposed to be just that --temporary. But in all cases
that I have personal knowledge of, they extended for years, often in a series
of repeated temporary marriages. Two-thirds of the time the wife was kept
secret from family, friends, and/or community because of the stigma and
judgment that would result. Thus, when someone unexpectedly came to the door,
the wife had to hide in a back room or closet silently until the guest could be
taken care of. The longer the relationship persisted, the more the woman became
attached to the man and secretly hoped for permanent marriage, and some
resented having to hide if they were one of the ones kept secret. Often the men
provided just enough hope of a permanent marriage that the women stuck around,
but years passed and no long term commitment was made, no permanent marriage
plans arose -- but another temporary marriage was offered. In public, the women
frequently had to say they were unmarried because the temporary marriage was
unknown. For some, the end result was a happy permanent marriage or a happy
parting but that was not always the case. Ultimately, being temporary rather
than permanent spouses seemed to these women to indicate a partial rejection by
their husbands even if there was no other reason to believe that to be the
case. The women just wanted more.I do not wish to paint the men who choose temporary marriage even for
prolonged periods in a bad light. In nearly all cases they are trying to do
right and love their wives. Their dilemma often stems from the rejection they
find or anticipate from their family and society because of the race or
nationality of their spouse, or because they found each other without the
traditional arrangement done by the family. Or often, they were initially only
able to pursue a temporary marriage and not a permanent one and had to hide
their marriage because of the very negative reactions and rejection they would
receive from people, especially family, if it were made public. I sympathize
with the desire to want both your family and your wife. In the end, these men
often have to choose one or the other.Rightfully, they should not have to choose. People should accept a
man's choice in spouse regardless of her race or nationality, especially if she
is a pious woman. And people should not allow stigma to exist upon those who
find the need for temporary marriage. This stigma has no place on something
that was made lawful by God and the Prophet (saw) and even encouraged or
mandated when sin is the likely alternative. Mut'a has a place in
society and the need for it is not altogether uncommon. It is a gross error to
accept fornication and adultery more easily than Mut'a. People suffer because of the stigmas that others hold. Just as in a
monogamous permanent marriage, polygamous and temporary marriages can contain
abuse and bad outcomes. It is the abuse that should be stigmatized, and not the
marriages themselves. In fact, stigmatizing the marriages causes abuse within
them to be more likely because it makes it more likely that the marriages will
be done in secret. Therefore, if you are concerned about misuse of the
temporary and polygamous marriages, then let them out of the closet and into
the realm of the public. One can only remove a stigma through conscious and
deliberate effort within oneself. Although past damage cannot be fully
repaired, future damage can be prevented if more people, perhaps starting with
the reader him/herself, would be active and audible in their support of
polygamous and temporary marriage and those individuals who pursue them
lawfully.
The Sexes
Just the other day I saw a promo for a TV show called "Battle of theSexes". It caught my attention because it was filled with images of the Muslim
world. Pictures of women wearing black garments that showed only their eyes
went along with images of a woman being placed in a chastity belt, which also
went along with images of Arab men shooting large guns. The accompanying words
lead the viewer to imagine the large guns as phallic symbols. Having been
Muslim for a few years now, I was disturbed by these images because they
portrayed the relationship between Muslim men and Muslim women very negatively,
and in my opinion, very incorrectly. Later, I watched the show to see exactly
what it had to say about Islam and the sexes. As it turned out, ninety percent
of the show was about the Modern West or Medieval Europe and only a small
portion was about the Muslim world, although the promo certainly lead the
viewer to expect otherwise. Why was the promo so skewed? A likely answer is that those stereotype
images of Islam are attractive to viewers and thus serve as ratings-boosters.
People remember those images and the associations made with them and tend to
believe them. Many people who see these images are led to believe they know a
lot more about the Muslim world than they do. For example, if Saudi Arabia
comes up in discussion, you can find someone who will say, "Oh, I know all about
that place and how they hate Americans. Did you know that the women there have
to walk ten feet behind the men?" And when you tell them that there is
absolutely no truth to that claim, they do not want to believe you because you
are not as authoritative as the media is. "No, I am right, I saw it on
Nightline or CNN." "I read it in the New York Times." It is no wonder that so few Americans ever think to pick up a
translation of the Qur'an when the religion looks so bad to them. Yet,
everyday, more men and women in America choose Islam. These men and women have
concluded that the stereotype view of how Islam regards the sexes is
inaccurate.
Islamic
Modest Dress
When you picture a Muslim, you are likely to picture an Arab. You maysee a long-bearded man with a white robe and a checkered headdress and a woman
covered from head to toe in black so that only her eyes, if that, are visible.
The prospect of dressing like that is often quite frightening to the convert.
Is that what Islam really requires? And if so, why is it required? To the person investigating Islam, the answer is initially not that
easy to find. When a convert reads a translation of Qur'an, he/she finds the
verses on dress hard to understand. Further, the convert finds hadith
and proponents of those hadith which say a multitude of different things
on the subject. Personally, I think a reliable hadith is one in which
the Prophet (saw) indicated that women should cover all but their hands and
face. And I think the most telling Qur'anic verses are 24:30-31."And tell the believing men to
lower their gaze and be modest. That is purer for them. Lo! Allah is Aware of
what they do. And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and be modest,
and to display of their adornment only that which is apparent, and to draw
their veils over their bosoms, and not to reveal their adornment save to their
own husbands."It is important that the men are first directed to lower their gaze and
be modest. Men have a large responsibility in maintaining proper respect and
treatment of women and to prevent wrongdoing. Women have a similar role, but
they are further directed to display only certain parts of their bodies.
Technically, even Muslim men have certain parts of their bodies they are
supposed to cover, but those aren't mentioned in these verses. It is not
totally clear to the average reader what part of a woman's adornment is
"apparent" but a logical argument could be made that those are the parts that
she has reason to uncover. It is logical to have her hands uncovered because
she is always using her hands to hold things and carry things. It is possible
to argue the same about the face because she uses it to talk, eat and see. But
for any other body part there is not much reason that it would need to be
uncovered. The next phrase gives us further indication as to what is "apparent".
It tells the women to draw their veils over their chests. So the reader must
ask, what is the veil? It is something that begins above the chest area because
it would otherwise not make sense to use the word "draw". The word "draw" in
that phrase indicates that something beginning at least at her shoulders if not
higher is to be closed over the chest so that the chest itself does not show.If this verse were only requiring that the chest be covered, the
mention of a specific garment to cover it is unnecessary because ordinary
clothes could be adequate. Since a specific garment is mentioned, we are led to
believe that that garment itself covers more than just the chest.Thus we conclude that the word translated as "veil" means what we
typically take the word "veil" to mean: Something which covers the head. Thus,
this phrase of the verse is directing the women to take their head covers and
make sure their neck and chest area is also covered. This makes even greater sense when we consider the word "adornment". A
woman's adornment clearly would indicate her bosom, but it even more likely
indicates her hair. Without a doubt, a woman's hair is one of her greatest
adornments. Women take pride and great effort in styling their hair and making
it look appealing. This, along with the fact that there is no logical reason
why she needs to have her hair uncovered, serves as a great indication that it
is part of her adornment to be covered according to this verse.What about the face? Numerous traditions can be found which indicate
the face is to be covered, but numerous can be found to the contrary. Many of
the modern scholars do not seem to think it is required, but many also say it
is not a bad idea if the woman finds herself in a place where it is customary
to do so or if not doing so would cause a hardship to her. The question is "Why all this covering anyway?" The Bible makes
reference to women covering their hair in church or in public and clearly
indicates that the veiling is a mark of status for her. In the Bible, women
cover as a sign of the male's superiority. But in Islam, this is absolutely not
the case. Women cover simply to help ensure that they receive the respectful
treatment they deserve and it has nothing to do with superiority or
inferiority. Islam considers men and women as equal before God but acknowledges
that being equal does not mean being the same. Men and women are different and
to ignore those differences is oppressive to women. Although it is not often
thought of this way, the modern world is oppressive to women in making them
compete in the working world with men by acting just like men and neglecting
their differences. Or, by acknowledging the differences, but using them to
treat women as decorations and trophies in the workplace instead of equally
deserving and capable employees. Women in Islamic modest dress, (loose clothing that covers all but hand
and face in any cultural style), are recognized as pious, business-minded women
on sight. When I decided to wear the Islamic modest dress I was very surprised
at what I experienced. I found people opening doors for me more than ever
before, offering to help me carry parcels, and cleaning up their language
around me. I realized that men talked to me differently. I never realized that
even "good" guys had been looking at my body while talking to me until I put on
the hijab and they suddenly were no longer doing it. They talked to me
as if I were more intelligent, too. More importantly, I felt better about
myself. I had been very worried about how people would react and I found that
instead of being treated worse I was being treated better than before. Up to
that point, I did not fully understand the reasons for hijab, but seeing
the positive results first hand, I was instantly and utterly convinced that it
truly is a good thing and not oppressive at all. I knew I was safer in hijab.
If I were to walk down the worst street in New York with a friend wearing a
T-shirt and jeans, my friend would be whistled at and harassed, even groped at
and called names. But me, I get called "sister", and the men lower their gazes
instead of staring, and step out of my way. Many women fret over dressing a
little different than their non-Muslim counterparts, but they shouldn't. The
negative reactions they anticipate are largely exaggerated and in fact, they
will find increased respect from their counterparts when they are practicing as
they believe. A woman may find it unfair that she is asked to cover because some men
can't control themselves, but this is analogous to saying that it is unfair
that she has to lock her house and car because some thieves can't control
themselves. Hijab in practice is not burdensome in my experience, but is
rather a remover of burdens. All Muslim scholars are unanimous that these verses refer
to a covering that includes covering of hair. But if you want to find a verse
that says "Women must cover the hair" you won't find it, perhaps because the
covering of hair was something already in practice among some women so that
when the word translated as "veils" was used, the meaning was obvious. The hadith are more explicit and go into more detail
by stating that a woman should cover all but hands and face. And if we look
into the hadith referring to the Lady Fatimah (as), the daughter of the
Prophet (saw) we find that she also covered all but hands and face, and may
have on occasion covered her face also but did not all the time. She is certainly
our best example of how to live and dress and act as women in this world.Other verses in Qur'an about the woman's Islamic modest
dress are 24:60 and 33:59."Such elderly women as are past the prospect of marriage,
there is no blame on them if they lay aside their outer garments, provided they
make not a wanton display of their beauty; but it is best for them to be modest
and God is One who sees and knows all things.""O Prophet! Tell thy wives and daughters and the believing
women that they should cast their outer garments over their persons when abroad
that is convenient that they should be known and as such not molested. And God
is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful."So the believing women are being advised to wear an outer
covering beyond what they would wear in the home when they go out, and this is
the hijab.Based on 24:60, the covering of those parts mandated to be
covered in 24:30-31 is not to be relaxed except in age past possibility of
marriage, and then it is still better not to do so.
Mixing of the
Sexes
A very close cousin to the subject of Islamic modest dress is thesubject of casual mixing of the sexes. According to Islam, men and women should
not interact socially, especially one-on-one. This concept seems very strict
and extreme to many in the West. When I grew up, all my best friends were boys
and I never had many girl friends. And now I am not supposed to have male
friends? That is not entirely true. But interaction with males should be
business-like. We've all seen the consequences of unbusiness-like behavior with
friends of the opposite sex. Attraction at some level is a common result, and
this leads to trouble in marriages. Maybe it will not always cause your spouse
to be jealous or result in a fight, but it always does affect how you view your
spouse or future mate. You find things in your friends that you like better
than the way your spouse is. You imagine yourself with someone other than your
spouse, and that is damaging even if you do not take it seriously. "Falling out
of love" with your spouse is absolute nonsense. It only happens if you let it
happen. Thus, if you have a class or job with members of the opposite sex,
fine. You can greet them and participate in the appropriate work-related discussions
or small talk but should avoid deep personal conversations.The issue of mixing at the mosque is one that regularly comes up in the
Muslim communities. Some of the men and women want to sit together rather than
in different rooms or one in front of the other. In my opinion, if they want to
have everyone in the same room with women on one side and men on the other,
fine, but then someone should be at the door handing out Islamic dress so that
everyone is properly attired. The mosque is a place for worship and not a place
for absentmindedly admiring the opposite sex. And it is impossible to say
truthfully that you can have men and women together in a place, without concern
for proper dress, and not have at least some thoughts about the other sex result.
Therefore, let them sit side-by-side if they must, but only if they all put on
proper Islamic attire before entering the room. Then, when they leave the
mosque, if they take it off and choose to mingle and interact, it is their own
responsibility. I do not see any oppression or unfairness in separating sexes at the
mosque. However, I do have a problem with the many mosques that provide
substandard facilities for women as if they were an afterthought. This usually
results when the facilities are being converted from some previous structure
such as a church or home. Women should be able to easily hear what is going on,
and it is preferable that they can see, too. I have seen some communities
install audiovisual systems so that the prayers and sermons were on speakers
that all could hear; and they used closed circuit TV so that the women could
also see the speakers. In question-and-answer sessions, properly attired women
with questions could enter the back of the men's area so that they could be
called on, or another reasonable system could be devised. Too many mosques have
horrible or non-existent facilities for women and then wonder why some of their
women are not knowledgeable or interested in the religion or are being
misguided. Communities like the one I mentioned earlier in which the women
couldn't see or hear and many could not understand the language being used are
the ones which find their next generations rejecting practice of Islam and
moving away. Most Muslim communities struggle to even have a mosque let alone have
good facilities for women, but I maintain that they should not build a mosque
that does not serve their women well. Similarly, Muslim communities ideally
should provide facilities for both the men and women to participate in community
activities such as sports. It is not fair to the Muslim girl in the West who
takes swimming lessons and gymnastics lessons every year from when she is three
or four to be told on her ninth birthday that she can't do those things
anymore. It is like punishing the girl for becoming baligh (Islamically
of age to be responsible for dress, prayer, etc.), when instead it should be
something she can be happy about. How nice it would be if more Muslim
communities that are able should rent or build facilities and hire single-sex
staff so that their men and women can enjoy swimming and other sports.
Communities could develop single-sex sports leagues along with training for the
many who did not have opportunities to learn the sports earlier. I cannot
stress enough the need for the Muslim women and Muslim children to be an active
part of their community and to have full access to learning and recreation. It
is essential to the well being and survival of Islam in the West.
Treating
Women Differently in the Law
The last things I wish to discuss with regard to women in Islam areinstances in which women are treated differently in Islamic law. Many of these
may seem unfair at first glance but most really are not. Probably all of us
have heard stories of women being punished for crimes differently than men or
inheriting less and so on. There are cases when women and men alike are not
treated fairly according to Islam even in countries with a predominantly Muslim
population and whose laws are supposed to be based on Islam. The rest of the
Muslim world owes it to the oppressed brothers and sisters and to themselves to
combat these injustices when they become known.Thankfully, most Muslim women do not face such oppression and experience
an Islamic society closer to the ideal. All Muslim societies believe in the
Holy Qur'an, and thus believe in the verses which talk about women inheriting
less than men, not serving as equal witness with men, and being punished by
their husbands. The Western reader finds these verses or hears about them and
instantly thinks of oppression. But again, those men and women who choose Islam
find the matters differently.In the case of inheritance, it is actually a complex issue and there
are cases in which women inherit more than men. As a general rule, the men do
inherit more, but only because their financial burden is far greater than
women's are. To not give men more would actually be oppressive to them because
their duties with their money are more severe. Muslim men are required to
financially provide for their wives, children, elderly parents and so on. This
is regardless of whether the wife works or not. In addition he must provide his
spouse with a marriage dowry. On the other hand, whatever money the wife has
she can spend in any way she likes. She could spend it entirely on herself if
she wanted and has no duty to spend it on anyone else. In comparison to
Judeo-Christian law on inheritance and ownership of women, Islam is extremely
generous.As for women serving as witnesses, again the issue is more complex than
it first seems. In some cases when witnesses are needed, either one man or two
women is required. But in other cases, only the witness of a single woman will
do. Since men are required to work and women are not, cases that involve
business are more likely to require two women witnesses. This could be a matter
of protection for the women, because in matters of money there is the
temptation of coercing the witness. Having two female witnesses helps protect
either woman from coercion. Men can be coerced, too, but it is undoubtedly, in
most cases, easier for a man to threaten and intimidate a woman than another
man. On the other hand, many times only a woman's witness is accepted, as may
be the case when giving testimony about female anatomy. Or it may even override
a man's testimony, as is the case when a man accuses a woman of lewd behavior
and she denies it according to Qur'an 24:6-11. Islam is a religion designed to serve all people in all times. Thus,
many of its laws are built upon what is best for most people. Thus, it does not
deny that some women may earn more than their husbands, or that some men may be
coerced easier than some women. The laws still apply even in these cases,
because applying them in these cases hurts no one. On the other hand, failure
to apply the laws for those women who do not earn money or who might be coerced
would be harmful.A third case that is presented as oppressive to women is in 4:34 of the
Holy Qur'an:"Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because God has given
the one more strength than the other, and because they support them from their
means. Therefore, the righteous women are devoutly obedient and guard in their
husband's absence what God would have them guard. As to those women on whose
part ye fear disloyalty and ill-conduct, admonish them first, next refuse to
share their beds, and last beat them lightly; but if they return to obedience,
seek not against them means of annoyance."This translation, by Yusuf Ali, is more clear than many in getting
across that the man is not given free reign to abuse his wife. This verse
actually tells a lot about the Islamic family arrangement. Men are duty-bound
to protect and maintain their spouses. This duty falls on them because they are
generally stronger and more suited to such work. Further, they do not have the
circumstances of menstruation, pregnancy, birth, and breast-feeding that many
women experience. In return for protection and maintenance, women are not
required to bear children or cook or clean. They have not a single duty
required of them in return, except two -- and those are simply to obey the
husband in all that is reasonable and not contrary to Islam and to guard the
husband's property and their own chastity when their husband is not present.
That really is not a lot to ask and it is likely that the women have got the
better deal.
