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Lesson: 57 Duties of Parents Toward Children
Children are
the trust from Allah given to parents so that they may be nicely trained and
made well versed in Islamic matters. In this connection the Holy Quran says:
O you who believe! save yourselves and your families from a fire whose fuel
is men and stones.
Fathers and
mothers have the obligation of training their children on right lines. The Holy
Prophet (s.a.w.s.) has said: Honour your offspring and nourish them with good
manners and desirable virtues.
Right training
is one of the factors for making the youth wholesome and intelligent. Those
who have been nourished correctly in their childhood and who have benefited
from essential guidance know the art of living nicely. They are able to derive
benefits from their early training during their middle and old age. They can
present themselves in a desirable and deserving way before their families and
in their societies, living comfortably and happily.
On the contrary,
those who were not nourished and trained nicely in their childhood and who cultivated
undesirable habits and manners are unable to find the correct way of living
during their youth and old age. They cannot live in a fitting way in society
due to their immorality. Mostly they fail in their social life because, unknowingly
they put into practice the bad habits of their childhood thus putting both themselves
and the society to trouble and disrespect.
We must know
that a child and youth is ever ready to imbibe every kind of teaching and training.
If their fathers and mothers and guardians so desire they can turn a child into
a model human being and they entrust it to the society.
Amirul Momineen
(a.s.) has, in his letter to Hasan al-Mujtaba (a.s.) said: The heart of a growing
child I like a land without any grass or vegetation. It accepts whatever seed
is thrown in it and then nourishes it is itself. Then added: My dear son! Before
your heart could get hard in your youth in the beginning of your youth I had
undertaken your training and disciplining.
Traditions
1. Someone
asked the Holy Prophet (s.a.w.s.): What is the right of this son of mine upon
me? The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.s.) replied: Select a good name for him, discipline
him and give a nice place to him to live. 2. The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.s.) said: Father has three duties concerning his
son: selection of a good name for him, to teach him the Holy Quran and when
he grows up to arrange his marriage. 3. It is reported that the Holy Prophet (s.a.w.s.) has said: The Holy Prophet
(s.a.w.s.) saw a man with his two sons of young age. That man kissed one of
them but not the another one. the Holy Prophet (s.a.w.s.) criticised this unfair
treatment and said: Why did you not treat your two children in a same manner?
4. Amirul Momineen (a.s.) is recorded to have said: Teach your children our
knowledge which Allah has made beneficial for them so that deviated groups may
not misguide them. 5. Imam Sadiq (a.s.) said: Make your child free for seven years for playing.
Then give him knowledge teach him for the next seven years also and also keep
him with you. If he improves so good otherwise there is not good in it. 6. The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.s.) has said: Teach horse riding and also shooting
to your children. 7. It is reported from the Holy Prophet (s.a.w.s.): One the Holy Prophet (s.a.w.s.)
saw some children and said: Woe unto the children of the last age at the hands
of their own fathers. The companions asked: O Prophet of God! At the hands of
their polytheist fathers? The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.s.) replied: No, but at the
hands of their believing fathers who do not give them essential religious knowledge.
If they children learn they fathers prevent them from so doing as they are pleased
with their little material worldly benefits. I am at a distance from them and
they are at a distance from me. 8. The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.s.) has said: It is for the father and mother not
to curse and disinherit their children but to observe their rights. Similarly
it is the duty of the children not to be cursed and get disinherited by their
parents but to observe their rights that is, they also will have to answer if
they do not do their duty.
At the end
we should know that four things are effective in the destiny of man: Viraasat
(heritage), Talqueen (suggestion), Taqleed (following) and Taaseer-e-Muheet
(effect of environment).
It is the duty
of the parents to bear in mind the aforesaid four things concerning their children
so that they may not be corrupted under the influence of undesirable suggestions,
wring following and corrupt atmosphere. It is our duty to clean the environment
if it has corrupted. We should not say that we cannot train our children.
Warning
to parents
In case, despite
full efforts to train them the children do not follow, they should be left alone
and should not be helped in any way. Rather the father-son relation should be
disconnected. Allah says to Prophet Nuh (a.s.): O Nuh! surely he is not of your
family; surely he is the doer of other than good deeds, therefore ask not of
Me that of which you have no knowledge; surely I admonish you lest you may be
of the ignorant.
It is reported
from Imam Moosa Reza (a.s.) that: once he asked his friends: how do the people
explain the verse: Surely he is the doer of other than god deeds? One from the
audience replied: Some believe that it means the son of Nuh, Kinaan was not
his real son. The Imam said: No, it is not so. He was Nuhs real son. But when
he sinned and deviated from the correct Path of Allah, God negated his son-father
relationship. It is just as if someone among us does not obey Allah we say he
is not from us.
Material worldly
relationships connections based on family, friendship etc. are always, in the
Divine Heavenly religions, overshadowed by spiritual relationship. In these
schools heavenly religions, closeness of blood relations has no meaning compared
to the spiritual relation. Salman Farsi from a distant country Iran was neither
from the family blood of the Holy Prophet (s.a.w.s.) and was not either from
the tribe of Quraysh nor even he belonged to Mecca. Originally he was not even
an Arab. Yet as per a tradition: Salman is from our family, Salman is regarded
as a member of the Holy Prophets (s.a.w.s.) Holy family. But the closest blood
related son of the Prophet like Nuh (a.s.), as a result of tearing himself from
his fathers line of school religion is being discarded so thoroughly that he
faced the verse: Surely he is not of your family.
Also the Surah
Lahab was revealed concerning the uncle of the Holy Prophet (s.a.w.s.). The
Imams (a.s.) have given a similar warning to their followers. Imam Baqir (a.s.)
addressed Jabir: O Jabir! Remember that you will not be our friend unless when
the whole city gathers around you to tell you that you are a bad man yet you
do not feel unhappy and, similarly, if the whole population of the city tells
you that you are a good man and yet it does not make you happy, rather you look
only at the Book of Allah and adopt the criteria of good and bad from it and
then see to which group you belong.
Also Imam Baqir
(a.s.) addressed his friends thus: O Shias of the family of the Prophet Muhammad
(s.a.w.s.) ! Remember that there is no family relation between us and God and
that we have no argument before Allah. Nearness to Allah must be obtained by
nothing but by obeying the Divine commandments. Our friendship will benefit
only those who obey Allah. Our friendship will not benefit the one who disobeys
Allah.
These traditions
negate the thinking of those who rest contented merely on name and have no concern
for action according to religion. These narrations prove that in the school
of thought of the Holy Imams Faith is fundamental is and deeds according to
it. All things must be weighted in this balance.
